Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
