my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
