So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
