Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
