My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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