Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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