Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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