Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
