Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
