Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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