you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
and she was petting her beer can
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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