my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
