yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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