I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
