Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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