I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
