Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
