k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize