Swine flu is the new snow day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
