Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
