oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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