i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
