Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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