just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
