I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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