Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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