wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
