final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
