cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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