It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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