She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
