I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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