on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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