he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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