tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books