Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.