Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.