so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
