I must be too annoying 4 u.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
