So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
