I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
