I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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