we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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