i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
