my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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