In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
