it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
