According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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