I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
sex in a hospital.. check
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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