i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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