Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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