Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
