As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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