Don't you send me to vm
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
