i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
