So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
