Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
