everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
