he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
