New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
