Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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