The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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