So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
