So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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