the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
