He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His hands were made for my vagina.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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