He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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