sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
