i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
NoShamevember. You game?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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