It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
